Cue Scene 1: "Recovered" friend of roommate enters home at full volume, sweating profusely and talking about being a DJ. Takes puff of vape pen and slugs energy drink. Claims he can fix missing sound on record player. Overly trusting friend (OTF)/roommate gives go ahead, so N.A.-Hero (NAH) simply cuts out equalizer and hooks phono straight to receiver. Works briefly. Beirut is playing, NAH starts scratching vinyl to prove DJ integrity.
Bite tongue, leave to get lunch with tsunami of a cringe.
Scene 2: return to find sound from record player completely unresponsive, even though everything is aligned. NAH nods in and out from couch, does not hear about newfound bent needle. Rework system with new turntable and NAH asks "What's up with this African record?" (Graceland-Paul Simon). Stands up and knocks over glass in process. Breaks said glass, subsequently makes four jokes about it being OTF's fault. NAH says he's been sober for ninety days. Takes a sip of whiskey and passes back out.
Scene 3: NAH asks for water. Asks where the ice is. When told "In the freezer," he asks "Is the bottom one the freezer?" Leaves freezer ajar. Walks back to couch, claims to be bored with the football game on TV, changes channel to X-Games. Says, "I want to write a book. Me and [OTF] are gonna make a movie one day." Looks at OTF, says, "Get some pictures of me in my WuTang jacket."
Scene 4: NAH accuses everyone of letting him fall asleep again for "not paying attention" to him. Immediately asks for everyone's Facebook names. Immediately asks everyone to accept requests. Immediately tags everyone on FB with post about his shoes. Falls back asleep.
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